February 2012
81 posts
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Dave: Actually, Ben, would you mind if I talked to Leslie alone?
Ben: Uh, actually, Dave, I'd like to talk to you.
Dave: Uh, I don't want to talk to you, I want to talk to Leslie.
Ben: Well, I want to talk to you, and if not then I'd like to talk to Leslie.
Leslie: Well, I'd like to talk to Ben, and then I'd like the three of us to talk together.
Dave: Well then, I'll talk to Ben...and then we'll - you'll - and then I'll talk to you...and then you'll talk to each other, and then we'll all three talk...then.
Ben: Alright.
Leslie: So...who's talking now?
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Scully's Hair in 204 Photos: 202 Episodes Plus 2... →
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Walk
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“I don’t drink coffee. I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the Devil’s...”
– Kenneth Parcell
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Kenneth: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Jenna: Jenny McCarthy died? But who could have been slowly poisoning her? Was she poisoned? I have no way of knowing cause im just hearing about it.
Minimal Mac: Microsoft's Biggest Miss →
minimalmac:
One of the benefits of a long car trip with my wife is the opportunity to have really great and insightful conversations with the smartest person I know. Yesterday, on the first leg of our trip, we spent some time discussing Microsoft’s many missed opportunities.
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How Your Cat Is Making You Crazy →
Jaroslav Flegr is no kook. And yet, for years, he suspected his mind had been taken over by parasites that had invaded his brain. So the prolific biologist took his science-fiction hunch into the lab. What he’s now discovering will startle you. Could tiny organisms carried by house cats be creeping into our brains, causing everything from car wrecks to schizophrenia?
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Elaine: Boys are sick.
Jerry: Well what do girls do?
Elaine: We just tease someone until they develop an eating disorder.
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“‘Zerts’ are what I call desserts. ‘Trée-trées’ are entrées. I call sandwiches...”
– Tom Haverford - Parks and Recreation
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Mr. James: "Dave, whenever I have a bee in my bonnet... I find it helps to take my hat off."
Dave: "Meaning...?"
Mr. James: "Meaning I take my hat off, the bee flies out... do I need to draw you a picture?"
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"Big Day", NewsRadio (S01E05)
[Matthew is worried he's going to get "The Shaft" - a bonus of zero dollars.]
Bill: Say, Joe, who's the black private dick that's a sex machine for all the chicks?
Joe: Bill, I think that would be Shaft.
[Matthew notices and looks up.]
Bill: And who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?
Joe: Again, Bill, we're talkin' 'bout Shaft.
Bill: Damn right.
Joe: You know, they say that cat Shaft is one bad mother-
Matthew: Shut up, you guys!
Mr. James: [entering] Hey, what's goin' on?
Bill: We're just talking about Shaft.
Mr. James: I can dig it.
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“Heroin isn’t a drug Stu! It’s a medicine! It stops the dead babies walking...”
– Richard Herring - This Morning With Richard Not Judy (TMWRNJ)
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“Have you ever heard the expression “When life gives you lemons you make lemonade...”
– Bill McNeal, NewsRadio.
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“Generally speaking, you don’t need any extra incentive to murder a dry...”
– Jerry, in The Big Salad
Spurs Opta stats vs Newcastle
onlyonehotspur:
The performance of the day in the Premier League yesterday was definitely Tottenham Hotspurs’ win over Newcastle United. It was not just a win, it was a statement that Spurs are a force to be reckoned with. We’ve got a bit of a treat for Spurs fans today as we’ve taken some screen shots from our Quick Stats area in our Opta Stats Centre (Subscribe Now!) to show you just...
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“Let me tell you something, funny boy… You know that little stamp? The one...”
– Lt. Bookman, in The Library
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“I don’t trust this guy. I think he re-gifted, and then he de-gifted, and...”
– Jerry, about Tim Whatley, in The Label Maker
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Walk
Pretty much perfect conditions today, a chill in the air, but not cold as you walked, and most importantly the wind wasn’t draining. Temperature felt like it was dropping at the end so distance was about right really.
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“Sometimes when I think you’re the shallowest man I’ve ever met, you...”
– Elaine, to Jerry, in The Implant
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“This peach is sub-par.”
– Kramer, in The Mango
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“Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year’s gone by and how...”
– Jerry, trying not to be funny, in The Visa
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“Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don’t stare at it. You...”
– Jerry, in The Shoes
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“Look, you wanna have sex right now? Do want to have sex with me right now?...”
– George, trying to convince a reporter that he’s not gay, in The Outing
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Elaine: Can I have a medium diet coke?
Woman: Do you want the medium size or the middle size?
Elaine: What's the difference?
Woman: Well, we have three sizes - medium, large and jumbo.
Elaine: What happened to the small?
Woman: There is no small. Small's medium.
Elaine: What's medium?
Woman: Medium's large and large is jumbo.
Elaine: Okay, give me the large.
Woman: That's medium.
Elaine: Right. Can I have a small popcorn?
Woman: There is no small. Child-size is small.
Elaine: What's medium?
Woman: Adult.
Elaine: Do adults ever order the child-size?
Woman: Not usually.
Elaine: Okay, give me the adult.
Woman: Do you want butter?
Elaine: Is it real butter?
Woman: It's butter flavoring.
Elaine: What is it made of?"
Woman: It's yellow.
- Elaine and a woman behind the snack counter, in "The Movie"
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“I’m human… in my way”
– Kramer
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“Fruit’s a gamble. I know that going in.”
– Jerry to Kramer, who wants Jerry to return some bad fruit
11 Storage and Container Pro Tips
Use the top of a plastic water bottle to hold items securely in a plastic bag.
Wrap your Christmas lights around a clothes hanger.
Put mason jars under tables in the garage to hold little items.
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“Look, I don’t like to throw around the word “butthead” often....”
– Leslie Knope, Parks and Recreation
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