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On a Thursday

NewsRadio

Dave: I just had no idea that the patch could have side effects.

Bill: And I had no idea you’re only supposed to wear one at a time.

Dave: How many were you wearing?

Bill: Fifteen, sixteen. I sort of stuck them all around my waist like a belt.

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Bill: You’re not in Wisconsin, Dave. The big story isn’t about a cow wandering into the town square.

Dave: Bill, I worked in Milwaukee, you know. It’s a city with a population of a million people.

Bill: So that must have been quite a hubbub when that cow got loose!

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Joe: Dave, did you ever stop to consider that it might be one of the 15 or 20 other guys who work in this station?

Bill: Joe’s right. How come every time there’s a problem you assume that it’s one of us. What about them? What if it was… that guy who’s name I don’t know? Or that guy who sits by him? Or the girl-

Dave: Because somebody gave those people the impression they’re not allowed in the break room.

Bill: Well Dave, I consider that room a private sanctuary where I can escape from all those horrid little people whose names I don’t know.

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Dave: Have you ever heard the expression that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar?

Bill: Have you ever heard the expression, “Only a hillbilly sits around figuring out the best way to catch flies?”

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Bill: I’ll tell you what I’m high on…freedom!

Catherine: Bill, you’re locked up in a mental institution.

Bill: And I’ve never felt freer.

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Beth: My mother always told me I had a beautiful singing voice.

Bill: Well, my mother made me wear a dress ‘til I was nine. They make mistakes!

Source: angrytoastandoy Reblogged from: angrytoastandoy

On a Tuesday

Mr. James: "Dave, whenever I have a bee in my bonnet... I find it helps to take my hat off."

Dave: "Meaning...?"

Mr. James: "Meaning I take my hat off, the bee flies out... do I need to draw you a picture?"

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